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This year represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {